I’m not trying to be funny, but are you sure he’s not a midget with a learning disability?

Suicide makes you hungry, I don’t care what anyone says.

When you’ve got an ass like the North Star, wise men are going to want to follow it.

I believe in two things: Chicken, and that the census is a way for the UN to make your children gay.

I can always guess how many jelly beans are in a jelly bean jar, even if I’m wrong.