My name’s Manny, and this is my best friend Hank. I used to be dead, but then he brought me back to life, and we were lost out there in the woods for a very long time, but we survived, because I have special powers.

When I get back home, I’m gonna show Sarah how much I care about her every single day. Whenever she wants, she’s thirsty or whatever, she can drink my spit, and then she can ride my gas to wherever she wants to go.

I don’t know exactly what masturbation is or how it works, but I guess it probably feels a lot like the wind in your hair or driving really fast in a car or taking a bite out of your favorite food or dancing with your friends or singing your favorite song or riding the bus or looking out of windows. Now, why would you ever say no to that?

Every day, you ride the bus and count the minutes, hoping you’ll see her again. She smiles, and you feel a strange tingle up the back of your neck. Something carnal inside of you causes your body to break out in sweats. You feel like the luckiest man in the world. She sits alone, just like every other day, and looks out the window lost in her thoughts. You know that look. She’s just as alone as you are. But she doesn’t have to be. You could talk to her. Tell her you’d love to sit next to her today and every other day, because life is short, and no one deserves to ride the bus alone.

Welcome to the bus. This is how people like us get places if we’re too poor to drive ourselves.