My aunt and uncle were married sixty-three years. Towards the end, it was like watching cheese melt.

I’ll get the blankets. You Google how to have childlike fun.

When there was a lice epidemic at my school, everybody got it except me. I tried to fool everyone by sprinkling sugar in my hair, but I just got attacked by bees.

What do you say to a graduate of the U.C. Berkeley Physics Department? I’ll have fries with that. Because his education hasn’t prepared him for a career in the sciences.

I have excellent peripheral vision. On a good day I can see my ears.